"Fear Factor" and "TV-Gate"

16 Aug 11

Talk about FALSE advertising

            So I found out last Saturday that my “fear factor” is untying knots.  Who knew, an Eagle Scout that couldn’t untie some simple 550-parachute cord?  The MWR hosted the Fear Factor, but I must say that it was more like the Double Dare physical challenge portion meets Man vs. Food.  The first round consisted of the 2 blind folded team members lifting a stretcher with the other team member sitting in the stretcher holding a pail full of water.  Since me and the other team member were blind folded, we had to listen to the guy holding the water to direct us where to go.  We had to worry about time and the guy on the stretcher could not spill any water. We made it to the second round, but our team was cut short due to my inability to untie knots.

            The next round consisted of me running over to a trashcan filled with ice water and t-shirts tied up by 550-parachute cord.  The answer was untying the knots, but I took a different more idiotic approach.  I tried to pull the shirt out of its prison of knots and only ended up making the knots tighter and impossible to untie.  Upon completion of this portion, my other team mate then would commence tossing ping pong balls towards the other member who had a clipboard secured around his “groinal” are; the intent was for this member to move their hips trying to bounce the ping pong balls off the clipboard into a bucket...but we did not get that far.

            That is okay, because there is no way that we would have made it past the 3^rd round.  Teams had to take turns spinning around a baseball bat (20X), and then run to the far side of the room, put their faces in some weird spaghetti mixture to find a ball to pick up with their mouth and then run to the other side to drop it off on a plate.  This one was funny, because guys were getting so dizzy, one actually ran out the exit door on accident.  The next event after that was probably my favorite to watch.  It was called the Port-O-John, and one member of the team got up on a ladder with a bottle of some sort of concoction (pretty sure there was blended sardines and other surprises in there).  The other two members had to run down to the ladder, open up their mouths, and the team member on the ladder (about 5 ft up) poured the concoction into the other member’s mouth.  Once his mouth was full then he ran over and spit it out in a cup.  The two team members took turns doing this until the cup was full.

Port-O-John

            Finally, the main event was the Baby Shaker, which was a plate of food??...not sure if you would call it that.  Looked like Vienna sausages covered with something, and a mixture of other things.  One team member would have to eat off the plate (without the use of hands) and another member could provide him water, but that was it.  Once they completed the plate of food, then they had to drink this “nasty” looking shake.  In the end, a team of Navy folks prevailed against a team of Army folks.  I am still convinced that if the “J Team” would have had a Navy guy, we could have taken it all.

All in all, it was a good time and everyone was having fun.  For a split-second I did not feel like I was in Iraq.

Baby Shaker

20 Aug 11

            People, People, everywhere…so many people in fact that the chow halls are getting really full.  They actually have a bus that can shuttle you over to another Chow Hall because the one is so packed.  Supposedly, the other one is quite empty from what I hear. ..I may just have to start getting my meals to go.  The gym is ALWAYS packed…no matter what time you go, at least 15-30 people will be there.  The building we have on the complex is kind of small, so it fills up quick.  This last week has honestly been a blur…really can’t report on much going on.  I will say that for the last couple of Mondays I have partaken in what has become to be known as the “Dessert Run.”  You may be thinking…”doesn’t he mean Desert Run?”  I say dessert, because it is quite a treat to accomplish.  It is a 5 ½ mile run along the airfield area of the base and there is an overall elevation increase of 100 ft.  When we first ran it, it was pretty brutal, but now it has become an every Monday routine for me.  It really starts the week off on the right foot…no pun intended.

One of the many people looking for the A/V input...stupid European TV's

The other day I had to give up my “Man Card” because of a “TV-Gate”. “TV-Gate” has been an on-going struggle for our office to get a TV so we can watch news, listen to briefs, etc.  The TV that they originally gave use was switched for another TV.  Now, it was confirmed by like 5 of us in the office that this TV did not have a coaxial input, which means that we could not plug in the cable for AFN.  So, we raised our concern, and we were told that it would get resolved.  After several weeks of “trying to resolve” the issue, it was decided that we would just switch TVs with the J4 Deputy Director.  When the TV was taken down, the MSG who was working our issues found the input for the cable.  Since it is a European TV, the coaxial input is in the TV and you have to buy an adapter (which costs less than $1) to be able to plug in the cable.  Long story short…I was the technology, electronics guy, and I was not able to identify the input, which led to a lot of confusion, and unnecessary actions.  I told my director that I had just got back from the Deputy J4’s office, where I had left my “Man Card” on his desk.  I mean connecting a TV to cable is like Man 101…

Returning from Chow...

"Taking the J4's Name in Vain" and "The Dropkick List"

This is the military staying "Ahead of the Curve"...

 

8 Aug

            So, a couple of us are getting ready for the FEAR FACTOR showcase that will happen this Saturday.  I have no earthly idea what they are going to use...I just hope it doesn't involve snakes or clowns.  Actually, to win another Xbox Kinect/360, I would probably do about anything.  As more and more people get here, the more things are popping up.  Church attendance has increased by 100%....7 people to 14 people.  The lines at the chow hall are now twice as long, and with more leadership in the building, our vacation time is over. Saturday nights are now our Xbox nights (for us Capts and Majors anyway).  The pool changed its hours so it opens up some time to play some Call of Duty...hey, at least I am not doing that for real.  I was going to the pool on Sat nights, but now with the changed schedule, I will have to put that on some other day.

It's funny because his head is a "monitor"

            Since, LTC Pederson left on his 3 week R&R, LTC Standridge, Maj Squizzero and I have been pretty busy; mostly putting out unnecessary fires.  Once again, we have cases where people are taking the J4's (Major General Richardson) name in vain.  "Hey, this needs to be moved because the J4 said so..."  Yeah, I don't play that game, because if the J4 was that insistent about moving something, it would have been filtered down to my level.  With more people also comes computer frustration.  The other day, one of our really good computer guys was fired, because he could not meet the needs of a GS-14.  Supposedly he was rude to her, and "she told someone who told someone" and it got back to his boss' boss.  We tried to talk to the supervisor, saying that this was a horrible injustice, but I guess a GS-14's word (which is equivalent to a senior Maj/LTC...not a lot of rank at all) is what determined this guy's future. That type of crap really makes me upset, and I let people know that in my chain of command.

                                                                                                                                    12 Aug

I have instituted what I would like to call a weekly "Drop Kick" List.  This is a way that I release stress and identify who has really made me mad and has made my life suck the past week.  It is all fun and games, and I would share the list here, but you could be on it....J/K; I don't think many of you would get it, because most of them are inside jokes.  It has made folks in the office chuckle, because they know how frustrating people/organizations can be.  For the most part, we have good working relationships with organizations around us, but there are a couple "mental midgets" (as Maj Squizzero likes to say) that really make our life hard.  Well, at least I am not getting shot at or blown up...life could be worse right? 

"You'll have bad times, but that'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to."

            I feel so blessed to have a loving family and a job when I get home.  There are a lot of reservists/National Guard that have no problem extending their tour, because it is a secure job.  I run into KBR folks from church that are looking at transferring over to Afghanistan, because opportunities here are
drying up in the next couple of months.  I will say, it is hard to believe that I have completed over 2 months now and as I maintain a busy work schedule, the time seems to go by quick.  Many have asked, "Are you coming home early?"  Let me just say that if they give me the choice, I would definitely choose going home early.  That is about all I know right now. 

Maybe the USPS will let me have this??

"Sea Gull Six" and "They Took My Sofa!!"

30 Jul

It looks like a silhouette of "Indiana Jones"

            Now that I am out at Al Asad, I am starting to think that I will be here a while.  There are a lot of moving parts in the works and there is a lot of “stuff” that is moving out here, as well as people.  The leadership or “faux leadership” as I like to call it, doesn’t exercise an “out in front” or “from behind” type leadership.  The way that some have described it is “Seagull” leadership.  The reasoning is that seagulls come into an area, make a lot of noise squawking and ruffling their feathers; they crap all over the place and then they fly away.  Not to mention they maintain a “mine, mine, mine, mine” type attitude.  That is the best way to describe the leadership at HQ on the ground right now.  They micro manage so much and they have to have a finger on every button.  The other day, I had the luxury of working 18 hrs...half at my job and the other half (at night) in the Joint Operations Center (JOC).  I spent most of the night sitting next to “Sea Gull 6” (that’s what we call him) and SGM Huah-Airborne...and I will tell you, it was pretty comical.  These guys are characters, and they didn’t even talk to me until they left, which was close to 10:30pm.  I stayed until midnight, and all was calm...especially after the leadership went home.

Time to bring out the "boonie cap"

            One of the perks about working in the Staff compound is that we have our own gym.  The gym is not as big and fancy as most gyms, but it does the trick for someone like me that is doing P90X and other various activities.  Tonight however, I went to the pool.  The pool is indoor, Olympic-sized, room temperature water, overall a very nice environment.  For most days they have dedicated times to swim laps, and some nights they do Aqua Zumba and other activities like Water Polo...too bad that most of these activities fall during peak work hours for most of us.  Tonight they had a couple of lanes roped off and then the rest of the pool was open.  There were people playing volleyball, some Ugandans (not racist...these guys did not speak English) were learning how to swim, and of course the Army was doing PT.  It was very relaxing and I shall make that a weekly ritual...the perfect way to end a long week..

Day 60

5 Aug

My Alley

            It’s hard to believe that I have been in country now for 2 months...time is moving along.  My boss has now left for his R&R in the states earlier this week and Chief left just the other day, so that leaves 2 Air Force guys and one Army Maj running the J4 Trans shop.  I told LTC Pederson that when he gets back from his R&R, everything will be “blueified.”  He laughed, probably because he knew we would be so busy working Trans issues.  With mass movements comes movement of property, and sometimes person X’s property is more important than person Y’s property.  For instance, say person X has been waiting for a generator and other equipment that is needed to improve “quality of life.”  Well, person X can’t get their generator and other equipment because person Y felt it was imperative that they get their office/CHU furniture and equipment moved within the next couple of days.  Oh, by the way, person Y happened to talk directly to a certain 2 star general, so naturally, everyone is going to “knee-jerk” and meet person Y’s demands.  I get so sick of dealing with people who think they have a higher priority than other people/organizations.  I don’t care if it’s the “flippin” USF-I Commanding General, if I deem that someone else’s request is more important, I personally will do everything in my power to work around it...”Sorry, Gen Austin, you will just have to wait to get your vehicles...we have folks that have been without power for a couple of days.”  What’s sad is that the Generals are not the culprits...it’s the self-licking ice cream cone executive officers and aides that cause the problems...they ensure that “the General will get his way...”

Kind of like this one, except 200% more dust!

It’s the small things I find on deployments that brighten up your day.  For instance, on the way to Chow, we would pass this old black sofa that was partially burned, just sitting right next to the dumpster.  It was literally just gathering dust, and we were wondering when they would take it away.  So, every time I walked by it, I would leave a boot print somewhere on the couch.  I am really upset that I did not get a picture of it, because they took it away the other day.  I probably left close to 20 size 14 boot prints on that couch, and as people walked by it they would look at it, probably wondering who was stepping all over the couch.  Once again, it’s the small things that make life better in these conditions, and every once in a while someone seems to take even that away.  Oh well, there’s always XBOX night!!

Don't worry...it's not me, it's Call of Duty!!